After breakfast, we took MeiLin to play with her new (and used!) toys in the new play area of the living room. (So much for my nice, neat house!). I hadn't realized how far behind she was developmentally until we started playing with the baby toys given to us by my sister, Amber. I had just assumed she had "out grown" them not realizing that these are learned behaviors she had never been exposed to. (As a reminder - she was only given blocks to play with in the orphanage). Case in point, I never could figure out why she never worked the buttons on the airplane. Well, one of the first toys we played with sang a song and lit up when you pressed the button. She didn't know how to press buttons! She would see that the area was raised and run her finger over it, but she didn't know that you had to apply pressure to make it work. We kept demonstrating for her...but she didn't get it. I would make a loud "hhuuhh" sound (like I was constipated!); no luck. I even did the Kung Fu move where I would whip out my finger and hit the button with her finger as she rubbed across it. (Brandon was rather impressed with my mad skills!). But no luck. Finally after 30 minutes, she figured it out on her own!
Point 1 - 30 minutes is a really long time when you are intently staring at a toy that just sings and lights up.
Point 2 - Why did I want her to press that button again?!? Now I have an annoying toy singing and lighting up five times a minute. :)
I left Brandon to play with MeiLin when I saw that I had two missed calls, two voicemails, and a "please call me" text from my sister, Amber. I knew this couldn't be a good sign.
For those of you who aren't aware, my mother has been battling Stage 4 Lung Cancer (Closed Cell) since July of 2011. She has been such a fighter and a true inspiration to family and friends. My father called me a few days before we left to pickup MeiLin and said, "I have a bad feeling. Please come visit your mother one last time before you leave for China." I feel like the worst person in the world saying this out loud, but I didn't want to go. They are a 45 minute drive there and then 45 minutes back. We had a list a mile long of stuff we had to get done that day (notarize our wills, find a tailor to fix my jacket that I ripped the weekend before, get a patch for my jeans - another story, copies of the wills, the list went on and on...). We both worked through Tuesday before the trip so Wednesday was our last day before our flight bright and early that Thursday morning.
But as the dutiful daughter, Brandon and I went to Mom and Dad's during lunch on that Wednesday. Mom was in really good spirits, but I could tell she was very tired. I helped her get dressed when we got there (it took a really long time as she needed frequent breaks) and then we headed to Cheddar's for lunch. We talked about the upcoming trip - she was so excited to meet her new little Granddaughter, and I shared how I was terrified of what China would be like and how traumatized MeiLin would be. Mom didn't want to use her walker to get into the restaurant but the walk to the front door was just too long, so she finally agreed to it. I told her I would help her "bedazzle" it when we got back! We got a great table right by the warm fireplace! Right after we ordered, though, Mom started feeling terrible. Dad took her home, we changed the food to go, and Dad came back and got us. We went home and ate where Mom could rest comfortably in her chair. She walked us to the door to say goodbye and then we left. What I never realized is that this was the last time I would ever speak with my "Mom" again. By the time I got home from China, the cancer had taken over.
I called Amber after I got her messages and text; I knew something was wrong. She told me about how Mom had stopped eating and drinking the day after we left. Amber drove down that next weekend and she and Dad took her to the hospital. After a bunch of runaround, they found a doctor, whom Amber swears was an angel from God, who explained what was happening to Mom. She said that the cancer has started to take over, so the body was trying to fight back. It was using all available resources to do so, so it starts systematically shutting down organs one by one from least vital to most vital. She was no longer eating or drinking because her stomach had already shut down. They gave her an IV while she was in the hospital and said they could sustain her life for longer, but it was only a matter of time. So they took Mom home. Amber said that when Mom wouldn't take her pills during the weeks I was away, they would call them the "MeiLin pills" and tell her she needed those to meet her (I cry when I think about this one!). Some nights I was so tired in China that I didn't want to type out the blog but little did I know what a lifeline that was for my Mom. Amber or Dad would read them to her first thing in the morning, show her the videos I sent, and then she would always ask when we were coming home.
By the time we arrived at Mom and Dad's house with MeiLin on Thursday afternoon ...it was too late. She recognized MeiLin in some moments but would then comment on Lexi (my niece) playing on the floor in the next. Mom would hear gun shots, ask who was standing behind her, and think random people were there visiting her. While we were there, she kept asking when we would be home. :( I want to reach back to that Wednesday just two weeks before and hold onto that memory, but I don't even remember much about it. It was the last time I would be with my mother as I remember her, but I didn't know to hold onto it and cherish it at the time. The sudden decent over a span of two weeks while I was away seems so unfair, so cruel, but I need to remember the blessings I did receive. We were blessed to get over one and a half years to cherish our time with Mom. The best memory being our trip with the Grandkids and Brenda Shawn to Disney World. Where Mom had a case of mistaken identity and tried to take another woman's stroller - with the baby in it! - and when poor William fell to his knees in exhaustion and exclaimed, "I'm done!," while still sucking on his lollipop. I know those are the memories that Mom wants us to remember her by.
Apologies, I know you expected a happy post about our first day home as a family (and is one of the reasons this post has been such a long time coming), but such conflicting emotions were hitting me at once. Dragging MeiLin around two different cities in two different hotel rooms, across two different continents, sleeping on a plane, going to a new home, experiencing a new time zone, and then going to another home the next day must be beyond confusing and very disorienting for a little toddler, but what do you do? I wanted to give Mom the opportunity to meet her newest Granddaughter, MeiLin. Who knows, maybe she can see MeiLin in her dreams and memories?
We stopped by McDonalds for lunch on the way to Mom and Dad's. (No judging! We still had no food and had to eat out everyday in China. What was one more day?). After eating, (I hadn't eaten in 24 hours at this point!) Dad woke up Mom so she could meet MeiLin. She is very shy with new people at first (which is good because a lot of institutionalized kids tend to think all adults are caregivers and don't know about boundaries). So she wouldn't let Mom hold her. But she played on the floor as Mom watched and slept. Aunt Amber was so good with her! She had her laughing and squealing in no time; MeiLin even let Amber pick her up. We found a game that Mom and MeiLin could play together. She thinks it is fun to move things from one place to another and then back again (boring!), but she loves it. (And it was a Godsend during our 3 plane flights home!). So MeiLin would take all of the items out of Moms cup holder and hand them to her one by one. Then Mom would hand them back and MeiLin would put them back in the cup holder. I didn't want to leave to go home...I was so grateful that I got to see them interact with one another and I didn't want that moment to end. But MeiLin didn't get a nap that day, it was the middle of the night in the time zone we just left, and MeiLin was beyond exhausted. Once we got home, it was leftover McDonalds (I know - but still no grocery store run!) and then off to sleep.
Not how I had pictured our first day back home, but blessed that MeiLin isn't more traumatized by all of the changes, and selfishly, that I have such a great memory of MeiLin and my mother to cherish for the rest of my lifetime...
Photos:
MeiLin's first time in her high chair (Thank you, Jessica and JLee!)
First car ride! (Thank you to my bosses and to my mother-in-law for the 2 car seats!)
There are more pictures and videos but they are on Dad's camera...
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